I never write personal posts and I think it’s through fear that people I know in my real life will find it and then know personal things about me, but this is something I really wanted to share. It’s my struggle with body confidence.
Through my childhood and teens I was very lucky that I had a fast metabolism and I could eat whatever crap I wanted, lie about on the sofa like a walrus all day and not gain much weight and it was something I never really worried about. I got boobs and a bum and I loved and embraced my body – it was my face I had issues with. When I was 14 I was ridiculously insecure about how I looked. I hadn’t discovered how to use make up properly, couldn’t work out how to make my hair right for me and worried that everyone thought I was ugly.
When I was about 15, I discovered make up and since then, my confidence about my looks soared and now, I’ll happily leave the house with no make up and I’ve kind of realised that these are my features, like it or not, and I can use make up as a tool to enhance my facial features. It’s not my looks or so-called ‘beauty’ that are bothering me anymore. I’ve done a 360.
Since turning 18, I’ve had to be a bit more careful about my weight. When I was living at home, I was okay because my mum would always make and serve me nutrious meals with lots of vegetables and fruit and healthy things. However, when I started uni, I became queen of the takeaway and ready meals and I’ve put on weight. I was a very comfortable size 10 before starting uni and now I’m a 10/12. My stomach is no longer flat – it’s all wobbly. I hate it. And I know that’s not big for some people. I know people would kill to be my size.
So, what I’m trying to say, is that I’m not very happy with how I look right now but that’s okay. I’m working on loving myself, as I think we all are, and I hope one day to get there again. And while now I’m struggling to find parts about me that I love, I’m sure that soon I’ll find them again.